Day #11

I am thankful that I haven't shaved my head yet and that my hair is slowly but surely growing its way out!

Thankful #4-10 (Falls Church YL, Blankets, K&Z... Parents)

Unfortunately, I haven't kept up with my daily log of thankful posts. With the hectic pace my life moves at and the recent move/ lack of interent I've resulted to MORE tardiness. I don't exactly remember what happened on all the days I've missed so far- but I do have a slue of things that I can account to being thankful for.

#4 I am thankful for Kyra and Zoe, I remember the early months of summer, debating wether or not  working at Sweet Water, going to school and nannying would be the best option for me. I thought  that dropping the nannying gig would be the best thing for my sanity- but I am SO thankful I never went through with that foolish decision. The past 5 months with K & Z has restored in me a new meaning of what it means to love someone and to be apart of something.  I begged my parents for years to give me a little sister or brother, when I finally got one through marriage and then lost her my idea of what it meant to be a sister and more importantly a family crumbled. Thankfully I have been so graciously blessed to receive two little sisters who I love so tenderly and would walk to the ends of the earth for. Who annoy me till I'm blue in the face and push my buttons like it's their job but I wouldn't have it any other way and I am constantly reminded of what a gift it is to be apart of the journey that they are experiencing- growing up and into the spectacular women I have no doubt that they'll become.

#5 I am thankful for Selma, Forrest, Anna and Reece. Without their sacrificial, selfless love the high schooler's that I've come to know and adore would not be who they are or where they are. Each member of my team is so very different and has taught me all the various ways one can love, teach and grow- for this I am ever grateful. Some of the biggest challenges and life molding experiences I have witnessed at the humble and brokenness of my very unique team. Thank you.

#6 I am thankful for jackets, heaters and blankets. ESPECIALLY since I am always chilly, freezing or shivering. There are so many of those who don't know the comfort of warmth, so many who will suffer this winter and I am so incredibly sadden and unquestionably thankful.

#7 I am thankful for the girls and boys who I have had the privilege of getting to know at Falls Church High School. The impact that you have had on the destiny of my future and life is irreversible. Your stories have touched me deeply and given me a second chance at living a meaningful and worth-wild life. Thank you for your openness, willingness to trust, to love even though its hard and scary but most of all your laughter and eagerness to be apart of something much bigger then yourselves. I adore you all so very much and am endlessly, endlessly thankful for you- what a joy and gift your life is.

#8 I am thankful for my parents- Mum, Dad & Melanie. Your love has taught me what it means to be myself. Though my path has eroded a road unlike any you dreamt up for me, I am thankful and blessed to have your support. Thank you for listening while I scream and cry, for loving me even when I fail and encouraging me to keep on fighting. Though I know, life didn't turn out like any of your planned it I am so grateful and truly touched that I get the opportunity to live, love and call you mine.

#9 I am thankful that I can be thankful. I see and talk to many people whose hearts have become hard and stubborn (even more stubborn then my own) and I am renewed and content that I can see the worth  in such a seemingly worthless word.

#10 TWO WORDS- sloppy swish

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/mokiki/1423635/

Thoughts that stream at 2am.

How INCREDIBLY selfish am I, that day in and day out I take my insecurities out on the ones I love most. As I sit back and watch it slowly erode into my relationships and effect others negatively. Why is it that I go to people for healing, closure and acceptance when the only place I can find those are in my relationship with God? Why do I doubt the game changing power of God? Why is it that I've made up my mind that there are places and relationships in my life He will never be able to reach and heal?

I just read this horribly inspiring quote by Alphonse Karr, Some people grumble because roses have thorns; I am thankful that the thorns have roses. How beautiful is that.

And unfortunately, I am living in the disposition of that of the one who grumbles at the beautiful rose with thorns. Though I desperately wish I was one that was THANKFUL that the awful thorns have such beautiful roses. For isn't that what I am? An ugly, painful, eye sore of a thorn and on a good day I have maybe one and if I'm lucky two, roses?

I want so much out of this life and so much out of the people I'm living life with, but I forget so easily that I don't get to decided when things change for others, or when life happens to find them. Why do I love people who don't see all of their potential, beauty and worth? It's becoming so painful and frustrating.

But I need to learn to love the thorns, because I know that they already have such beautiful roses. And I can't wait for the rest of the world to turn their grumblings into thankfulness.

Broken Things and Thankful things

Day #3

You can have my heart
Though it isn't new
It's been used and broken
And only comes in blue
It's been down a long road
And it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean
And wash the shame away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my life if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

So beyond repair
Nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself
But it was only worse when I got through
Then you walked into my darkness
And you speak words so sweet
And you hold me like a child
Till my frozen tears fall at your feet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBoja2eDDe0

Sometimes, I find myself listening to this song when things in my life feel very out of control or lost. Julie Miller has a beautiful and simple way of summing up a couple rough places in my heart. Her song Broken Things, which is mentioned above, resonates with the rejected, abandoned and fearful part of my soul. Versus like You can have my heart, if you don't mind broken things or So beyond repair. Nights like tonight I feel broken and beyond repair, as if the pain of my past will always haunt my future. But I also am aware of the hope in her lyrics Then you walked into my darkness, And you speak words so sweet. And in the same instance am aware that I have the choice to not let the past control my actions. It is just very hard some nights... what really gets to me is that there is so much joy, happiness and love to my past. It's unfair that a couple of bad days can really effect someone for the rest of their life. I honestly just wish I had some sort of closure, its taken me 3 years to not feel bitter. But there is such sadness and confusion that I wish was resolved.

I am thankful for the opportunity to have been loved deeply and to have loved deeply and though it pains me, I am thankful my step father left. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow and hopeful that the jaded parts of my heart will soften. I am thankful that I have 3 other parents who love me and pray that they won't ever abandon me. I  am also hopeful that one day I wont have to pray that the ones I love wont leave me.

Thankful even with a runny nose.

Day 2 a day late and so it goes!

 I am so thankful for the ability to take a sick day and just veg out. I'm thankful for good health (comparatively to many) and for the resources to seek medical care. I think even on my worst day, I've got it made. Parents who love and will do anything to make me comfortable as well as friends and family who never cease support. Feeling drained, achey, sore and moldy these past couple of days has made me long for weightless energy- something that I take for granted on most days. What a gift- GREAT health even in the midst of bad health.

Thankful for Meghan with an H.

I've never dedicated each day of the month to writing something I'm thankful for- so here's a shot at appreciating a life a bit more!

I am thankful for the ability to reconnect with old friends and for the freedom of heart to have forgotten why they became "old." The photo above is one of my favorite photos from Meghan. Or very famously known during that time period (2008) as Prettyboy. Lots of things have changed since we were 9 and 10 years old, for starters we both couldn't stand each-other when I moved to the top of our Oak Hollow culdesac. But I am so thankful to say that we've walked so much of life together already and have grown from rough little tomboys into young women. I couldn't of asked for a better time for our paths to cross once more and for the chance to create a deep friendship with her- again. 

So thankful & blessed. 2nd chances are my favorite kind of sweetness.