God isn't religion.

The Spirit of Religion has come, day and night I strain for freedom. For his ways are just like bondage, they are ways of silence and oppression. Religion has seeped his way in, declares himself 'Church' and the Accuser is pleased. For there is no room for the Spirit of Love when Religion still reigns.

When I first heard the phrase,
"He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called" 
I was unsure of what the implications meant. You see, I didn't grow up going to church or practicing any sort of religion with my family, but my parents did afford me the sweetest gift and that was my freedom to choose. So once I encountered God, face to face, at 15, things were never the same for me. My encounter with Him was so divine I ran to wherever I thought I'd find Him and I wound up, quite literally on the doorstep of a church. Very soon I become disillusioned by the people and the message and the political agendas that those in authority where preaching. I began to despise church, and the more Religion was revealed to me the more I wanted Jesus, the more I cried out for freedom from condemnation, judgement, and bondage, the more my gentle God beckoned me. In High School, I was propelled into rebellion for the sake of boundaries and expectations the church had placed on me and my generation, I spiralled for years, unwilling to conform and unable to find others alike.

And so it goes, the phrase of a young, wild rebel who holds no qualification in the realm of church, is called. I have been called since late June 2008 and have fought and cried and begged against it. My poor parents, damaged, abused, lied to and led astray by the confines of The Church and Religion. I'm sure most any other path would have pleased them more then to have a daughter live a life of abandon in the name of a man who was twisted by others and brought only pain and turmoil unto them.

To my parents, friends who I grew up with and those that find their way here- I want to apologize on behalf of those of us who have been deeply moved by the love and spirit of Jesus and refuse to conform to the ways of Religion. I am sorry you have been abused, I am sorry you have been lied to, I am sorry you have been rolled over, ripped off and ransacked. God isn't religion. Jesus came to free us.

God calls the broken, damaged, wounded, lost and says YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE PRECIOUS. YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD! He calls all those who look and are completely unqualified by the world's standards and calls them sons, calls them daughters, believes in them and entrusts them with the hearts and souls of the world.

I still am in a state of rebellion- I will always rebel against religion, conformity, and bondage to a checklist of rules on how to "get into heaven." God isn't religion. Jesus came to free us. But now I have found the greatest way of rebellion, most clearly represented as Jesus Christ's life on earth. And that is to radically love, radically forgive, and to never give up on anyone! There is always gold to be seen, reconciliation to be had and love to be shared.


-Walk in Love

My thoughts about your sexuality.

Who cares? Sincerely, truly and wholeheartedly, who cares about my thoughts on your sexuality?

I sure dont. 

I'm tired of the division between human to human, I'm tired of the ugly language and the hardened hearts, within all spectrums, sides and communities.

But what I do CARE about and what is relevant and important and what I have many thoughts on, is wether or not you know Jesus and have a relationship with God. Mainly because God is bigger then our sexuality and because Jesus didn't come to be divisive, He came to unite. He didn't come to bind, condem and shame but instead He came to free the soul from bondage, from all condemnation and all shame. If I call myself a Christian, a follower of Jesus, light of the world, I can no longer adhere to an ideology that oppresses. I refuse to continue to be apart of a movement that points fingers, puts up walls and labels groups of people without ever entering into personal relationships.

So I'm here to say I don't care about my thoughts or your thoughts, though I do care about YOU and will respect YOU and love YOU regardless. Because that is what Jesus' love and purpose and destiny was all about, love. Reuniting the lost and the hurting with God.

That is what I care about. Love.

Packing up and moving out- how we became REVIVALISTS!

My story is simple.

I didn't always think it so, especially when I thought about my family and the circumstances that have challenged me these past 5 years, words like hard, complicated, exhausting, painful, and confusing came to mind. 

Not simple.

But I'm here to tell you that is exactly what my story is- simple.

Jesus changed my life.

In a simple moment, an act of faith I'm sure of it, 

"Can I pray for you?" She said.

And my life was simply wrecked, rolled, turned upside down.

He came to me and lifted my broken spirit, He took my dry and rotted out bones and breathed life into me. I had searched and searched for a love and tenderness like His, I looked to boyfriends, materialism, social status, food, perfection, body image 

and even to my family but nothing touched the joy I encountered 5 years ago.

The joy that had left me reeling ever since.

 

It is because of that so tangible yet incredibly indescribable love, joy and peace that the decision to dedicate my life to the unordinary, or as some have plainly put it, unorthodox and irresponsible has become so clear and so effortless. My decision is yes, I will go. Send me. 

I want to tell you, with great anticipation, joy, an overwhelming sense of purpose and hope that Tiffany and I will be moving to Maine. 

It started 5 years ago for me, when the day came for me to leave Chop Point, I never knew I was capable of crying so hard, feeling so deeply or even loving people in such a way that I learned to love my first summer in Maine. And that was the beginning and that was the end for me, Maine has always been on the brim of my lips

 It started 4 years ago for Tiffany, my California girl by birth but east coast girl at heart. A cross country road trip with her family sealed her fate as soon as she saw New England's cobblestoned streets, autumn's great landscape, and of course, the Kennebec, which gave way to a new calling in her spirit.

 Our stories crossed in perfect rhythm. Lately, it has become one of my favorites to tell, as it continues to fit the curvature of our ripening destiny.

We met this past summer at Chop Point, Tiffany was the camp cook and I was a camp counselor. It was Tiffany's first summer at Chop Point and it was my long awaited return. Ironically, we probably weren't each others "first picks" but due to ending up in the left over or "surplus" van a couple times, our pickins were slim. Whether we liked it in the beginning or not (for the record I did and Tiffany did not ;P) our friendship flourished throughout days off, giggling in the boat house, long naps  in the sun and our love for Jesus, food and high school kids.

We decided early on that after camp ended I'd pack up my Virginia life and head out to the coast. But as it goes, God had very different plans. I took an internship at a local church in Virginia and Tiffany, a woman full of guts, grace and humility (did I say GUTS?) came out for a visit and discerned God's call for her to make the cross country jump.

 By mid October she had her license, a new car (named Misty, she's blue and was born in 1998) and was settling into the bedroom next to mine. Things didn't seem to slow down, thanks to an incredible guy we met in our bible study named Ian, (who by the way, is a legend but we'll get to him later) we began going to a Saturday evening revival service for young people. To say our hearts were shattered would be a radical understatement. In the span of a few short weeks our souls were being revived, Jesus began to do a new thing in us, for the first time in a very long time the realization of life, love and our time here on earth became clear. We began to live Saturday to Saturday, hungry for more knowledge and teaching, each day was newer then the last.

By early November we received extremely sad news that one of my counselors from when I was a camper had passed away and so we packed up the Kia and headed north.

 Our hearts grieved for our friends and kids who were deeply affected by her passing.

Though while we were there, Holy Spirit began to speak to us in a new way, His direction was so clear it could have been audible. Maine. It had always been Maine. 

Somewhere between the back and forth of spending the little time we had with our teens, it dawned on us. The revelation of what God had done for us and was doing in us. It was Maine, the children of Maine. The promised land. 

The more we prayed the clearer it became. The more we looked around the more we saw Maine everywhere we went. Homesick in our hearts for a people who are longing for freedom, longing to be seen, loved, cherished and called chosen! 

 Unsure of how we'd sustain ourselves in Maine but certain we wanted to see the revival, I shared our dream with a beautiful friend of mine, Grace. Who with wide eyes and the most comforting of smiles told me that there was a guy and there was a new church and there was a dream, SOMEONE HAD THE SAME DREAM, someone loved Maine and it's people and its teenagers and its children and its family and its lost and its broken.

 God is and was and will always be so good and gracious and perfect and loving.

 The next week we met with the youth pastor of The Roar (the local rival we had been chilling at) and he graciously opened his doors to us, welcomed us and gave us the opportunity to grow under his leadership team. He then (this man is amazing) said he would put us in contact with the guys in Maine who were birthing the same movement as The Roar.

In disbelief we nodded and in disbelief we cried, in disbelief our hearts called out and our good, loving Father answered. Softly He whispered all that He was going to entrust to us, that He loved us so desperately and believed in us and in our stories SO much that He was going to birth in us a dream  beyond satisfaction.

 Our original plan was that we'd spend the summer at Chop Point, come home to Virginia in August pack up our things and move back up to Maine by mid to late September at the latest, that was until...

New Years Eve came upon us and God began to speak and stir and do a new thing again. The month March began replaying over and over in my head and God told me March, March will be when you go. So, I rushed through the crowds to find Tiffany, I asked her to pray and ask God when He wanted us to go (I am a skeptical woman). Two hours later, only moments before midnight I asked Tiffany what The Lord had said, and she looked at me, more unsure then I'd ever seen her, and she squinted out the word March.

\

As for now, we continue to wait as God moves and speaks to us about whether we will go March 2014 or March 2015. And in the meantime, Tiffany has decided to learn guitar (Ian and her are going to be worship leaders), she's also picked up knitting (I'm learning too) and Ian has decided to move to Maine with us, he's also in the midst of working on his famous collages and mix tapes. 

We are so thankful for all our family and friends who believe in our dream of LOVE and REVIVAL! 

The expectancy of 2014.

2013 rang in fast and loud, as I stood among 16,000 fellow Urbana attendees. We were singing worship songs in Swahili and I couldn't stop wondering how and why I had found myself at one of the biggest reoccurring missions conferences in the states. At the time, long term missionary work had yet to cross my mind but looking back I now see that it was a carefully thought out miracle and since, (thank God) has become an incredible undercurrent that has continued to push me in the direction of my destiny.

The new year started off and I made my resolutions, all four in a row, like a check list that would come and go:

• Get messy- people rarely have lives that are clean cut and ordinary. Life is messy and loving messy people is extremely challenging. Get involved, be apart, be ok with messy.
• Humble myself. I am so very prideful when it comes to food and taking care of myself- but its about time I humble up and accept the love and help.
• Be. More. Intentional. 
• Take myself less seriously- chill out. 

What I didn't know at the time, was that when we declare things that are true and align with our destiny, God Himself comes in agreement with us and an unbreakable declaration comes evermore into movement and forms life. I had just barely dipped my toes in the alignment of God and things were about to get crazy. 

Shortly after the New Year, I attended a women's conference and the truth and freedom I found within the walls of that beach house began to unwind the suffocating ropes that religion had bound me with. I began to believe in change and freedom in a new way (Jesus came to do a new thing!!!) blinders had been lifted and my self respect and His love for me softly began to point out all the "off" situations and relationships in my life. One of the most wall breaking experiences during this time was the realization of how soft and gentle the Creator of the universe actually is and all those years of shame and self condemnation weren't really a doing of His love but a consequence of a fallen and very rule oriented religion. My heart had been changed and January was its catalyst. I was introduced to the porn industry(if you read my blog regularly, you probably saw the sudden interest), sex trafficking, sexual addictions and false manhood. I became an activist in my home and my community for freedom and awareness. Sadly, yet thankfully in the midst of my journey I discovered I had been in a relationship with a classic candidate for all things "cheater" "porn addict" and "falsified manhood". He had an alternate life full of dark secrets, pain and shame. To say my heart was broken isn't completely true, but to say my self confidence, sense of worth and ability to trust was pulled out from under me would be very accurate. But all things considered and like He ALWAYS does, my God of love and mercy saved me from a lifestyle that would've eventually lead to more bondage and sorrow then I know I could have bore.

In late May,  I went on an amazing and life altering missions trip to Port Au Prince, Haiti where I fulfilled one of my oldest dreams which was to go on a missions trip and visit an orphanage. I am certain that just like Urbana, my family trip to Haiti continues to be an undercurrent that will lead me further into my destiny. Days after my return I boarded my favorite type of plane *which is a plane destined for Maine* where I assumed the long awaited role of Counselor at my favorite place on earth, Chop Point. 

The summer changed me, my girls changed me, my boys changed me. God changed me. I was marked and forever different, deeper wells sprung up in my heart and things became clearer about life. The summer, a season of healing and confrontation of so many of my fears, threw me even faster into the current phase I am wading in. Where finally the Lord has answered my long and tearful plead for a best friend, for a community not driven by religion but by the love of God, for healing within my family and restoration for my heart.

As 2014 dances in, I am on my knees begging that this will be another year of breakthrough and that I will undergo any uncomfort so that I can learn how to:

• Have and unoffendable heart- that no offense would keep me from continuing to love, pursue and press in.
• That I would learn to walk in love, and that would be the only way I know how to move.
• Reconciliation would be a banner to which I continue to always look to and strive for.
• I would tenaciously love - te-na-cious
• not easily stopped or pulled apart : firm or strong
• continuing for a long time 
• very determined to do something
• not flashy
• not impressive
• Be sincere. I want to be a sincere christian. I want all that I do to be of sincerity at the core.

I am expectant of this new year, a new season and a chance for God to do a new thing in me! Thank you to all my devoted friends and family who have waded and continue to wade in the waters of life with me. You are loved far more then you know :) 

yours truly and always warmly,