Walking with Grief
Do not hurry
as you walk with grief;
it does not help the journey.
Walk slowly,
pausing often:
do not hurry
as you walk with grief.
Be not disturbed
by memories that come unbidden.
Swiftly forgive;
and let Christ speak for you
unspoken words.
Unfinished conversation
will be resolved in Him.
Be gentle with the one
who walks with grief.
If it is you,
be gentle with yourself.
Swiftly forgive;
walk slowly,
pausing often.
Take time, be gentle
as you walk with grief.
Celtic Prayer by George MacDonald
Revival raged through my veins the night I heard about America.
"The Land of the Free" finally free. It was the last weekend in September (9.29.13) and I wept over "10,000 harvesters" 10,000 people being raised up and sent forth to see a nation free from shackles. That was the night I stopped asking God "why?" That was the night I began to mourn for my family and the ones I loved from high school and summer camp, that was the night I decided it was all going to be worth it.
Every last painful thing.
Leaving home has been hard.
For the last 9 months I have been trudging through a season of deep sorrow. And as I prepared for our great adventure north, grief kept finding me. I packed and sorted through what to keep, what to put in storage and what to take with me to Maine-but the memories and pain I had tucked away in old familiar things that had fallen behind my bed and underneath white leather couch cushions were found again.
The grieving of lost loved ones, false realities revealed, and radical family changes wasn't going to cease existing come March 1st. (Though parts of my heart hoped and prayed they would.)
Depression war'd within me and I was faced with an incredibly pivotal moment- Did I believe and trust that following Jesus was bigger then the pain I was experiencing within my heart, within my family and throughout the lives of those I saw around me.
Yes.
And though from the outside looking in it seemed too obvious, yes, yes, yes- I believed and trusted. Within my heart and mind, things were a different story. I had to, and still have to, make very deliberate steps to continue to walk in freedom, though many days it feels too difficult to reach.
I am thankful that God has answered my prayers and sent me to the pioneer's land to love children.
I am thankful that God is so good, gentle and merciful.
I am thankful He has given me an intentional time of healing and purging of pain.
And I am thankful for all those who have loved me in this trying season, for my family who has weathered great trials and tribulations and for the opportunity to live out my dream- though I am weak and have little to offer.
Despite whatever odds my mind tries to conjure- I am still clinging to hope and expectant that great things will blossom here in the land of the Chickadee!
Here are a few other things I've learned since being here;
Grilled asparagus is tastier then baked asparagus, especially with garlic, butter and fresh squeezed lemon. Coconut oil is a great deep conditioner for hair, an amazing dental hygien agent and the best face moisturizer. Sugar is giving me mad acne and its time to purge it from my diet. In the middle of March, 2 feet of snow is normal, I have also learned the true essence of shoveling, scraping, and why everyone lifts their windshield wipers before a big storm. And in the midst of a mid-March snow storm how to fill a 5 gallon jug of gas and fuel up a snow blower. Mainer's are pioneers, the life of a pioneer is cold, tough and includes lots of work. And I am totally unprepared and need to invest in a real winter coat, mittens/gloves, snow boots, and wool socks.
Guess I shoulda thought that through before moving up ;)
Editors note- GOD IS SO GOOD! After writing this post, I got a message from one of my campers from this past summer, who had bought Tiffany and I brand new snow boots, winter coats, thermals, gloves and socks!
Walk in Love,
R
