Broken Things and Thankful things

Day #3

You can have my heart
Though it isn't new
It's been used and broken
And only comes in blue
It's been down a long road
And it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean
And wash the shame away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my life if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

So beyond repair
Nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself
But it was only worse when I got through
Then you walked into my darkness
And you speak words so sweet
And you hold me like a child
Till my frozen tears fall at your feet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBoja2eDDe0

Sometimes, I find myself listening to this song when things in my life feel very out of control or lost. Julie Miller has a beautiful and simple way of summing up a couple rough places in my heart. Her song Broken Things, which is mentioned above, resonates with the rejected, abandoned and fearful part of my soul. Versus like You can have my heart, if you don't mind broken things or So beyond repair. Nights like tonight I feel broken and beyond repair, as if the pain of my past will always haunt my future. But I also am aware of the hope in her lyrics Then you walked into my darkness, And you speak words so sweet. And in the same instance am aware that I have the choice to not let the past control my actions. It is just very hard some nights... what really gets to me is that there is so much joy, happiness and love to my past. It's unfair that a couple of bad days can really effect someone for the rest of their life. I honestly just wish I had some sort of closure, its taken me 3 years to not feel bitter. But there is such sadness and confusion that I wish was resolved.

I am thankful for the opportunity to have been loved deeply and to have loved deeply and though it pains me, I am thankful my step father left. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow and hopeful that the jaded parts of my heart will soften. I am thankful that I have 3 other parents who love me and pray that they won't ever abandon me. I  am also hopeful that one day I wont have to pray that the ones I love wont leave me.